I have to admit I can be an impatient soul. Once I decide on something – a plan of action of some sorts, I want it put in motion right away. So my current situation of trying to find a job is tough. Putting my life into someone else’s hands and having to wait for their reaction to my application is difficult. Letting go of control can be very intimidating, stressful and it seems to affect me more than I feel comfortable with.
So I do what I always do when my stress level rises too high – I walk. Luckily for me, the closed nursing home where I currently live, is very close to some good hiking trails. Not well-marked trails (I got lost yesterday and ended up on an old trail that lead me back to my car luckily), but in the beautiful Danish country side filled with plenty to forage from:
As mentioned I have a temporary home at the moment. It is by choice so I can move close to where I find a job. I expected it to be a positive in the job hunt, but have been surprised to find it seems to work against me. I don’t know, if future employers don’t believe me, when I say I’m ready to move for a job, or if they just don’t think it is possible to be at that kind of stage of readiness, but I will not change my plan and limit my search to one area just yet.
With walks and breaks in the sun, I will keep my usual positive approach to life. I will keep believing that a new and exciting chapter of my life is just around the corner. But I will also embrace the days when my mood is low, because those days will make what comes so much sweeter, and really….it is a first-world problem. I got a roof over my head, food to eat and the best friends in the world. Life is good – 99% of the time.
The food I eat is still good, home cooked quality meals. Yes, I look forward to getting a permanent home where I can use all my kitchen stuff and appliances, but until that happens, I will make due with what I got here (and use my friend’s kitchens) and keep making delicious food.
Looking out on the summer rain, it sure does not help my negative mood (thinking about the laundry I put out to dry a few hours ago doesn’t help either).
Last night I watched a documentary about a group of guys doing a pilgrimage of the Camino Norte. It made me long for the Camino Frances and finishing my own way. They spoke of the comradery as being the best gift the pilgrimage had given them, and I couldn’t agree more. For me the Camino is not a religious pilgrimage, but a journey filled with life-long friendships that occur when your life is boiled down to just walking, eating and sleeping. When your life is all about the moment, stripped down to the essentials and the complexities of your everyday life fades into the background…that is when you meet people without your mask and armor, and you let yourself open up to experiences and new acquaintances. At least that is what it felt like to me and I miss it. I miss that raw life feeling and it has become my goal. Not just to return to the Camino Frances, but to gain a new life to provide the core, the calm, the base that I can begin to plan a return.
Well, I guess I want to take back control of my life, so I can start planning – and living.
It will be my summer plan…to find a way to regain control, to start to build the new life that will allow me to dream and plan to return to the Camino Frances to finish and maybe even start again on a new pilgrimage. The Camino has once again provided….my summer dream.